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Etude in Black

2008.07.07

0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

1
00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:03,000
[ Modern, Dissonant ]

2
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,880
[ Crash ]

3
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:02,320
[ Switch Clicks ]
[ Orchestra: Classical ]

4
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,600
[ Volume Increases ]

5
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,720
<i>[ Continues ]</i>

6
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,000
<i>Ow.
[ Tool Clatters ]</i>

7
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,240
[ British Accent ]
Frank, let me have that socket
wrench, would you please?

8
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,200
Ta.

9
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,960
[ Car Horn Honks ]

10
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,880
That's gotta be His Nibs
again.

11
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:59,000
Hello, maestro.
Hello, Mike, old boy.
How are you?

12
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,080
Got problems again?
Got a little
few problems.

13
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,920
You're a virtuoso, Mike.
Fix this thing for me.

14
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,280
<i>"Tune it, oil it, tal"k "to it",
do whatever you have to.
It's not running right.</i>

15
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,480
I got a rattle in the brass
section, the woodwinds are "fl"at.
What's this thing?

16
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,080
That's the distributor.
An"yw"ay, fix it.

17
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,560
I'll see you tomorrow
around noon, all right?
Okay. Do you need a ride?

18
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:22,000
No, my wife is
supposed to meet me here.

19
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,840
<i>"Ah, there she is now",
right on time as always.
Hi, honey.</i>

20
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,800
Darling,
I have to wash my hands.
I'll be right there. Mike.

21
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,760
<i>[ Car Hood Closes ]</i>

22
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,640
<i>Bye, maestro.!</i>

23
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,840
Move over.

24
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,920
All right, darling.
All right.

25
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,840
Here we go.

26
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,080
<i>[Janice ]
Alex, stop that.
Why should I?</i>

27
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,840
<i>I feel that happens
to be improper behavior
for the conductor...</i>

28
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,080
<i>"of the Southern Philharmonic"--
whatever it is.</i>

29
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,080
<i>"You soundjust li"k"e"
your mother.</i>

30
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,280
<i>To pinch his wife publicly. You do. You sound
"li"k"e your mother."</i>

31
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,880
<i>"She'd li"k"e me to go around"
as somber as the ghost...</i>

32
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:40,440
as august as Brahms,
as fierce as Beethoven.

33
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:45,440
Did you know that Brahms
used to tell dirty stories?
I believe it.

34
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:50,440
He used to have a cigar and use it
while he was conducting
sometimes, in concerts.

35
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,160
And Beethoven, he was--
Yes, I know. You told me
he was a sex maniac.

36
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,280
So am I.
[ Laughs ]
Alex.

37
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,560
Look, will you take this thing
to the dressing room for me?

38
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,760
I have to see Billy
a second.
Okay.

39
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,880
How's it going,
William?
Oh, hello, Alex.

40
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,200
I'm just getting a lineup
on the camera positions.

41
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,040
Are we locked into
these positions?
Well,just about.

42
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,400
Frank!
You in the control room?

43
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,320
<i>"[ On Loudspea"k"er ]"
Yes, Mr. Benedict.</i>

44
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,520
I would like to vary
these camera positions
from last time.

45
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,120
How would you like them,
Mr. Benedict?

46
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:30,680
[ Alex ]
I'd like one on me, as usual,
and-- Let's see.

47
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,040
I think we should have
a camera over there stage left.

48
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,400
"And I thin"k "we should have"
"a camera wild",

49
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,720
on the orchestra,
with lots of movement.

50
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:44,000
I want to get away from
these usual, dull looks
that we get around here.

51
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,640
<i>"[" F"ran"k "]"
Yes, Mr. Benedict.
"[ Microphone" F"eedbac"k "]"</i>

52
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,000
Do you think we can arrange
to make that happen exactly
like that during the concert?

53
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,840
Alex, Alex--
I just don't want any of that
during the concert.

54
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,880
Is that clear?
Alex,
I'll check it out.

55
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,960
How did people ever
listen to symphonies before
the age of electronics...

56
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,400
and stupid technicians?

57
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,240
I'll be in my dressing room
until 8:00. I'd like you to
handle all problems till then.

58
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,800
I'd rather not be disturbed.
I have something going.
All right, William?

59
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,840
Okay, Alex.
[ Laughs ]

60
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,760
Take care.

61
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,800
[ Sighs ]
Please!

62
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,640
Hello, Carlos.
Mr. Benedict--

63
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,320
Sit down, sit down.
How's your daughter?
Feeling any better?

64
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,560
Fine, thank you.
That "fl"u thing's all over.
That's good. That's good.

65
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,880
Listen, I don't want any calls
or visitors. I mean that.

66
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,960
Fine, fine.
All right.

67
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,240
Hi.
Hello, sweetheart.

68
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,160
This is your mail.

69
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,520
Here's some early telegrams.
Here's your music.

70
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,440
And here is a kiss.

71
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,440
I've gotta go.
Mother is waiting for me.

72
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,400
Need me?
No. Go on.
Get outta here.

73
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,320
Okay. Bye.

74
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,800
<i>[ Classical Piano ]</i>

75
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,760
[ Gasps ]
Hello, darling.

76
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,720
Hi.
What's the matter,
did I scare you?

77
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,000
Well--
You're shaky.

78
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:38,640
Just for a second,
I was feeling all the hairs
on the back of my neck.

79
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,560
That's just sex.

80
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,760
Mmm.

81
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,960
I thought
you weren't coming.

82
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,680
I said I would, didn't I?
Just don't rely on your woman's
intuition. It's never correct.

83
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,960
Well, I thought you
might be a little angry.

84
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,080
How could I be angry,
looking at you?

85
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,840
I just don't like ultimatums,
that's all.

86
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,240
I don't like
being a secret mistress.

87
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:26,080
It's not my style.
I know that.
You told me.

88
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,280
Do we have to go into
the same arguments again?

89
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,640
It's very simple.

90
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,360
I have to be open
and free.

91
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,360
So do I, love.

92
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,240
Alex, I want
something better than this.

93
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,200
So do you.

94
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,160
You look a little funny.

95
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,600
Well, it's a marvelous choice
you've given me:

96
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,960
to divorce my wife
or you'll make a scandal
out of our love affair.

97
00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:02,640
Alexander, I'm right,
and you know it.

98
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,080
I know that.
You told me that.

99
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,840
Darling, I know you.

100
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,880
I know you're not really
afraid of hurting Janice.

101
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,840
You're just reluctant
to lose her mother's backing.

102
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,080
[ Sighs ]
And all that money.

103
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,080
Don't worry.

104
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,880
You're a genius.
You'll always have everything.

105
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:30,080
You're just a little weak,
deep inside.

106
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,680
And all you really need
is me,

107
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:36,160
and I need you.

108
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,720
Because I'm the same.
See?

109
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,400
And that's why I had to
make you decide.

110
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,000
All right.
You'll tell her?

111
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,000
Yes. What choice do I have?
All right. Yes.

112
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,840
Okay.
No. Let's not
do that now.

113
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,760
Play something for me.

114
00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:00,920
I am so confused
I can't understand
anything but music tonight.

115
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,880
What would you like me
to play?
Chopin.

116
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,840
Okay.
I'll fix us a drink
of something.

117
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,680
Celebrate our last
secret evening together.

118
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,040
[ Squawks ]

119
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,920
[ Chattering ]

120
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,880
[ Chattering ]

121
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,720
[ Blows ]

122
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,680
[ Blows ]

123
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,280
[ Squawking ]

124
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,880
[ Blows ]

125
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,240
[ Squawking ]

126
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,040
[ Hissing ]

127
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,360
"[ Squaw"k"ing ]"

128
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,000
[ Squawking,
Chattering Continue ]

129
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,520
[ Squawking Continues ]

130
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,640
[ Barking ]

131
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,120
You have to tell them
everything.

132
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,960
You always have to
tell them not to start
the canapes too soon,

133
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,240
or they'll get soggy
and taste like Band-Aids.

134
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,560
They're gonna be delivered
freshly made right after
the concert, Mother.

135
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,880
Mrs. Benedict,
Mrs. Fielding.

136
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,200
Hello, Carlos.

137
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,960
Are those film actors
coming?
Oh, yes. Alex invited them.

138
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,200
There are gonna be
more of these along, Carlos,
so I'll pick them up later.

139
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,520
Alex likes all that glamour,
I suppose.

140
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,560
But what have actors
got to do with music?

141
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,000
Mother,
they're people too.
I doubt it.

142
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,520
[ Chuckles ]

143
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,760
Hello.
[ Laughs ]
Hello.

144
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,280
And how's my darling
mother?
"Mother!'' Good Lord.

145
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:49,280
Never mind the charm.
How are your opening night
nerves?

146
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:52,640
Nerves? I don't even know
the word. I was just
taking a nap inside.

147
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,600
Yeah, he never gets them
before the concert.

148
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,960
It's afterwards
he gets the shakes.
Don't start that.

149
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaking of nerves,
you know that Tchaikovsky...

150
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,680
got so nervous before a concert,
he had hallucinations.

151
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,600
Once he was so sure
his head was about to fall off,

152
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:11,000
that he held onto it
with his left hand and
he conducted with his right.

153
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,280
[ Laughs ] Alex. No, don't.
I'll never tell
that story again.

154
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,480
Mother, you have to
leave us alone now.
No more chatter for Alex.

155
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,560
Yes, I know. All right.
Be brilliant, Alex.

156
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,680
Of course, you will.
You always are.
See you afterwards.

157
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,840
<i>Alex, excuse me.
What?</i>

158
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,400
Jenifer Welles
hasn't shown yet.
What?

159
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,160
Jenifer Welles
hasn't shown yet!
Did you phone her?

160
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,040
Yes! The line is busy.
It's been busy for a half hour--

161
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,960
You phoned, huh?
Of course I did!

162
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,800
She's always late.
This woman has absolutely
no sense of time!

163
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,360
Well, so what are we
supposed to do?

164
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,760
Hello? Operator?

165
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:56,080
I've been trying to reach
5 5 5-7 921 for quite some time.
The line's been busy.

166
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,280
Yes, this is an emergency.

167
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:02,160
<i>Would you cut in, please?
"Well, than"k "you very much."</i>

168
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,360
Thank you.
I mean, this woman is late.

169
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,080
<i>She's late for everything.
"She doesn't thin"k "there's anyone"
else in the world alive.!</i>

170
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,040
<i>Darling, please,
don't get excited.
This is gonna change.</i>

171
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,000
No, no, it's ridiculous!

172
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,160
Hello?

173
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,200
Hello, operator?

174
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,160
Oh, yes.
Thank you very much.

175
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,960
Okay, thank you.

176
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,120
- There's no one on the line.
- Then she must have left
the phone off the hook.

177
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,600
She left the phone off the hook?
It's possible!

178
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,720
Television cameras
are waiting!

179
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,800
"Loo"k". Alex. Shh."
People in their houses all over
America, waiting for a concert,

180
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,760
and she left the phone
off the hook!

181
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,240
<i>[Janice ] Why don't you call
"the police? Why are you"--
"You" call the police!</i>

182
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,400
<i>You call the police.
All right.</i>

183
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,360
<i>I want her canceled out.
You can't cancel her.!</i>

184
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:44,040
Cancel her out. I don't care
if she arrives right now!
We have the Beethoven.

185
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,680
It's all rehearsed.
You tell the orchestra,
William.

186
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,600
What if she shows up?
I've had it!

187
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,520
Hello, operator?
Give me the police,
please.

188
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:11,240
[ Orchestra Tuning ]

189
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,960
Attention, everybody.
I want you all to be real sharp today.
We gotta have a real good performance.

190
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,640
All right. Ready?
Ready on camera three.

191
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,840
<i>Go.</i>

192
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,760
G

193
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,200
<i>[ Continues ]</i>

194
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,640
"[ Coc"k"atoo Squaw"k"ing ]"

195
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,320
[ Classical ]

196
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,360
<i>[ Phone Rings ]</i>

197
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,080
Would you hold this
a second, Lieutenant?

198
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,920
<i>[ Continues ]
[ Rings ]</i>

199
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,560
Dr. Benson.
What?

200
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,960
I'm sorry.
What did you say?

201
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,880
Oh, sure.

202
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,480
It's for you,
Lieutenant.

203
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,600
Yeah. Columbo.

204
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,560
Yeah. Hi.

205
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,120
Yeah.
Well, I'm at the doctor.

206
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,080
No, it's not serious.

207
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,800
Yes. I'll be there
as soon as I can.

208
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,880
Right. Bye.

209
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,720
Well, that's all there is
to it.

210
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,640
He'll need a booster shot
in about a week.

211
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,120
He didn't seem
to mind.
Oh, they hardly feel it.

212
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,560
But he will need
the booster shot
in about a week.

213
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:05,120
Say, how old is he?
Kind of hard to say. I just
picked him up at the pound.

214
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,080
Oh.
His time was up,
if you know what I mean.

215
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,600
I'd say he's
pretty full grown.
Kinda cute, isn't he?

216
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,560
He'll be all right.
Okay, Doc.

217
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,800
Thanks for staying open.
Got these peculiar hours.

218
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,560
Ah, no sweat.
My wife doesn't like music.
She watches murder mysteries.

219
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,720
So whenever the concert's on,
I work late.
Right.

220
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,760
There's not gonna be
any aftereffects,
is there?

221
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,520
Oh, no, nothing.
Okay. I haven't
named this guy yet.

222
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,560
You don't have any ideas?
There's a name
I've always heard,

223
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,480
and I've never seen a dog
that had it.

224
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,960
Fido.
Fido.

225
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,720
Yeah. F"ido", the Romans used
to say. It's as old as that.

226
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,040
It means "I am faithful.''
Well, roughly.

227
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,960
Fine.

228
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,960
<i>[ Continues ]
Wanna get this for me,
Doc?</i>

229
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:44,880
Mm-hmm.

230
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,960
[ Audience Applauding ]

231
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,320
[ Applause Continues ]

232
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,920
William.
It was lovely.

233
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,240
It was really lovely.
The Mozart was beautiful.

234
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:57,120
Ah, darling.
The Beethoven was
so magnificent.

235
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,080
The orchestra, all the work
we put into it really paid off.

236
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,120
It was so exciting.
We were at one together!

237
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,160
We were fantastic.
Did you hear it?
Alex. Alex.

238
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,160
<i>Jenifer Welles is dead.
The police say
she committed suicide.</i>

239
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,400
"[ Cric"k"ets Chirping ]"

240
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,120
I can't stand suicide.

241
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,320
Murder is bad,
but suicide is sadder.

242
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,080
[ Inhales ]
Did you read this?

243
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,160
I browsed through it.
This is what they gave me.

244
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,120
This is the dossier
that they gave me.

245
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:36,200
"Female Caucasian, piano player,
born Kenosha, Wisconsin.''
This is what they gave me.

246
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,480
Now look what I find
in the scrapbook.

247
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:43,000
"Miss Wells, London.
Miss Wells, Paris. Miss Wells.
Miss Wells. Miss Wells.''

248
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,880
"Genius. Superb. Talented.
Magnificent. Feeling.
Taste. Fabulous.''

249
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,120
Look what the department
gives me.

250
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,120
"Female Caucasian, piano player,
born Kenosha, Wisconsin.''

251
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,840
Look what I find
in the scrapbook.
Look at these pictures.

252
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,960
Girl has a wonderful shape,
don't you think?

253
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:05,960
Look at those eyes.
Bedroom eyes. Look what
the department gives me.

254
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,720
"Female Caucasian, piano player,
born Kenosha, Wisconsin.''

255
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,680
No bleach there.
Regular hair.

256
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,800
No fear there.
No heavy makeup.

257
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,600
Got a girl with a body,
money and a career.

258
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:26,240
Got some column items
to show the crowd
she went with. Best people.

259
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,200
Dukes, earls, politicians.
Big people.

260
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,760
So add that.
What's missin'?
Somethin'.

261
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,240
A man. The man.
A person, somebody.

262
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:41,040
Woman like that's
gotta have somebody.
Eyes like that.

263
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,040
But that's me.
I'm paranoiac.

264
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,360
Every time I see a dead body,
I think it's been murdered.
[ Chuckles ]

265
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,160
Can't imagine anyone
murdering themselves.

266
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,920
Especially a young girl
like that. Beautiful eyes.

267
00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:00,000
But that's me. I like to see
everyone die of old age.

268
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:05,360
"[ Bar"k"ing ]"
Excuse me.

269
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,680
[ Barking ]

270
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,800
What is it,
Lieutenant?

271
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,440
<i>Sorry?
Anything wrong?</i>

272
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,840
Oh, no. I'm just
checking on my dog.
He's out in the car.

273
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,800
Did you see the note
she left?

274
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,960
<i>Uh, in the typewriter?
Yeah.</i>

275
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,680
Yeah, I saw it.
Has that been printed yet?

276
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,920
<i>No. I was just
"gonna chec"k "on it."</i>

277
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,400
Uh-huh. Well,
get that printed.

278
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,840
Sergeant,
don't touch the paper.

279
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:38,920
No.
Leave the paper
just the way it is.

280
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,880
Sure, sure.

281
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,800
Good.

282
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,840
[ Groans ]

283
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,000
Sorry, sir.
You can't come in.

284
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,400
<i>I'm Alex Benedict.
Let him in.</i>

285
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,840
Miss Welles was supposed
to appear at the Bowl tonight.

286
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,560
Hello. I'm the conductor
of the symphony there.

287
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,560
We're all deeply concerned
about what has happened here.

288
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,880
I'm Sergeant Meyer.
Oh.

289
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,520
- Can you tell us anything
about Miss Welles?
- Not really. Not about this.

290
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,160
I only knew her
as a great artist.

291
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,320
<i>What time was she
due at the Bowl?</i>

292
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,720
Around 7:30. We phoned
when she didn't come.

293
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:22,600
Her line was busy. When we
finally reached the operator,
there was no one on the line.

294
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,040
That's when my assistant,
William Johnson, called you.

295
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,000
<i>The police, you see.
"Sergeant",
radio call.</i>

296
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:29,960
Excuse me, please.

297
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,440
Find something?

298
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:53,000
I dropped my "fl"ower.
My coat must have
knocked it off.

299
00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:00,960
The pin is bent.
I'm Lt. Columbo. I'm a fan
of yours, a really big fan.

300
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,680
In fact, I just got
your latest album.

301
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:08,280
Thank you. I didn't realize
that you were interested
in piano concertos.

302
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,520
No, no. I'm talking about
the album of Strauss waltzes.

303
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,600
"The Blue Danube.''
You know the one I mean?

304
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:17,280
Yes. I 'd forgotten that.
My wife and I, we both love it.
We play it every once in a while.

305
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,240
You've given us both
a great deal of pleasure.

306
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,480
Thank you.
That's very "fl"attering of you.

307
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,960
Did you see this?

308
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,640
Isn't that awful?

309
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,640
Uh--

310
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,320
You don't know any reason
why Miss Welles might have
taken her own life?

311
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,520
No, I don't.
It's very shocking.

312
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:48,160
But then,
I didn't know her very well,
except professionally.

313
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,680
By the way, you mentioned that
Miss Welles was due at the Bowl
at 7:30.

314
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,600
What time were you going
to arrive, sir?

315
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,360
Around 5:30, I think.

316
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,280
My wife dropped me off.

317
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,560
You don't drive?
Oh, yes, I drive.

318
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,040
I left my car overnight
at my mechanic's.

319
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:07,120
Why do you ask?
No, I was just trying
to establish a time sequence.

320
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:10,080
You know, what time
she would have left here.
That's interesting.

321
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,480
[ Protesting ]
Alex!
He's a friend of mine.

322
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,360
Oh. Officer?
Paul.

323
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,680
I don't get it.
I just don't get it.

324
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,600
Why? Why would she
kill herself? Why?

325
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:25,480
<i>"Paul,you" k"new her"
"very well,you"--
She could not have.! No.!</i>

326
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,760
She wouldn't!
Come and see me tomorrow.
You understand?

327
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,520
Come and see me tomorrow.
Go ahead now.

328
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,640
Lieutenant, if there's any way
you think I might help,

329
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,440
please don't hesitate
but to call me.

330
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:49,240
Pleasure meeting you.
Well. Yes.

331
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,280
[ Man ]
Why'd she do it,
Mr. Benedict?

332
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,560
I'm sorry.
The world of music has lost
one of its brightest lights.

333
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,080
Jenifer Welles was
an incredibly talented artist.

334
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,440
I'm sorry, that's all, folks.
Thanks.

335
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:14,680
<i>"[ Car Starts",
Drives Away ]</i>

336
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,800
"[ Dog Bar"k"s ]"

337
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,400
"[ Bar"k"ing Continues ]"

338
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,320
Hi.
Is this your dog?

339
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,440
Yeah, I guess it is.

340
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,640
How would you like it
if somebody locked you up
like that?

341
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,880
With the windows closed
and everything!

342
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,400
- I didn't want him get out.
- Then leave the window
open a crack.

343
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,560
<i>"O"k"ay. That's a good idea."
You see, this happens to be
"my first dog",</i>

344
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,160
and I just haven't gotten
onto the ropes yet.

345
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:58,480
I appreciate your telling
me that, Miss, uh--

346
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,720
<i>What's your name?</i>

347
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,280
You're not gonna tell me?
Well, my name's
Lieutenant Columbo.

348
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,480
Okay, then.
My name's Audrey,
if you want to know.

349
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,680
You live around here,
Audrey?

350
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,200
Yes. But if you're gonna
question me, you're gonna
have to tell me my rights.

351
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:16,480
No, that's wrong.
I only have to tell you
your rights if you're a suspect.

352
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,160
<i>You're not a suspect.
And besides, I'm just
"ma"k"in'conversation."</i>

353
00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:21,960
I suppose you heard
about Miss Welles.

354
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,800
Of course.
She was my friend.

355
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,760
I always took care of Chopin
when she had to go away
and play a concert.

356
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:32,160
- Yeah, who's Chopin?
- Her bird. The cockatoo.
Didn't you see him?

357
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,560
Oh, yeah.
Now I remember.

358
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:38,600
Chopin was a composer.
He wrote piano pieces.

359
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,840
She named her bird
after him.

360
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,280
I see. Well, listen,
Audrey, it's been nice
talkin' to you.

361
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,920
And I appreciate the advice
about the dog.

362
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,840
What's his name?

363
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,600
You know, I don't know
the name yet. What do
you think about "Fido''?

364
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,560
Oh, wow. How'd you ever
think of that one?

365
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,800
[ Whimpering ]

366
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:06,200
Beethoven.
Would you like to
be called Beethoven?

367
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,480
Hmm?
I guess not.

368
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,960
Janice? Janice.

369
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,640
I'm not asleep.
How was it?

370
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:13,320
Well, a lot of police.

371
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,240
Very depressing.

372
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,000
<i>I thought you were going
to your mother's party.
I didn't go.</i>

373
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,160
<i>[ Yawns ]
[ Liquid Pouring ]</i>

374
00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:26,560
What is it?
What'd you do,
take a sleeping pill?

375
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:30,680
Yeah. A little while ago.
It's starting to take effect.

376
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,360
All right.
Let's go upstairs.

377
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,960
How well did you know her,
Alex?

378
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,680
Oh, you know.
"I don't" k"now."

379
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,200
What is that supposed to mean?

380
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,480
You know her phone number
by heart.

381
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:49,640
I know a lot of telephone
numbers of people I work with
by heart.

382
00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:52,120
<i>Want some water?
Yes.</i>

383
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,160
<i>Alex.
What?</i>

384
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,600
Never mind.

385
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,760
Go ahead, ask me.
I know what you're
gonna ask an"yw"ay.

386
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:05,240
"The answer is no",
"we didn't ma"k"e love."

387
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,880
In the first place, I have a rule.
Never any complications
with people I work with.

388
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,880
And what's in the second place?
Me?

389
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,840
You're always imagining that
I'm leaping into beds all over town.

390
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:19,400
<i>I've never done that.
Oh, Alex, don't.
I know you.</i>

391
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:25,000
Why do all these people
feel that they know me?

392
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,920
I feel like I'm being
seen through.

393
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,840
<i>As if I'm in some
constant masquerade.</i>

394
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,720
I'm just myself.
Look at me.

395
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,480
I'm just me.
I am what you see.

396
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,920
Now, what do you think
happened?

397
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,600
You think I made love toJenifer
and then she killed herself for me?

398
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:48,080
No, no, no.
No, I don't. I--

399
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,160
<i>"I don't" k"now what I'm thin"k"ing"
sometimes. I'm sorry.</i>

400
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:57,600
<i>I really am sorry.
I'm just nice, sweet littleJanice.</i>

401
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:01,640
Nice littleJanice. I'm awful.
The things I think!

402
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,640
[ Sighs ]
Tell me why.

403
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,600
No, I can't.

404
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,680
Why-- Why did you marry me?
Sometimes I wonder why
you married me.

405
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,000
I mean, I'm not talented,
I'm nothing. Why?

406
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,920
Why me?

407
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,760
Just one reason.

408
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,680
What?
I love you.

409
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,320
Ah.

410
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,040
<i>[ Doorbell ]</i>

411
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,160
Yes?
Mr. Benedict home?

412
00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:20,200
You musician?
No, cop.

413
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,000
Cop?
Policeman.

414
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,800
C-O-L-U-M-B-O.
Me.

415
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:36,320
Oh! Come in, please.
You musician.

416
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:41,880
You stay. Mr. Benedict!
[ Muttering ]

417
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,400
[ Muttering Continues ]
Mr. Benedict!

418
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,360
<i>Mr. Benedict.!</i>

419
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,560
<i>[ Muttering Continues ]</i>

420
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:11,480
All right. All right.

421
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,440
All right, now. Take it easy,
now. Take it easy.

422
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,840
I never got to ask you last night
what I wanted to ask you.

423
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:20,800
There's a time and a place
for everything.

424
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,800
Last night was the wrong time.
Suicide's depressing--

425
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:28,080
An"yw"ay, I happened to be
in the neighborhood today--
That's not true.

426
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:31,720
I really came out here
to see ya. I don't wanna
appear presumptuous--

427
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,640
All right. Let's go inside.
We'll be more comfortable.
No, no.

428
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,320
No, no?
I'm not goin' in there.
I'm not messin' up the room.

429
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:43,520
I have a wife.
I know what that is.
You arrive in the morning unannounced--

430
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:48,680
I never got to ask ya last night
what I wanted to ask ya.
Go ahead.

431
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:51,720
Terrific place. Terrific.

432
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:53,720
Thank you. We like it.

433
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:03,160
Could I take a look
in there? Just a quick look.
Go ahead.

434
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:12,280
Gotta be a 40-foot living room.
Forty by 20.

435
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,480
Dining room's 1 5 feet deep.
I can't see the rest.

436
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:20,360
Windows, windows, windows.
Ideal. This is a dream house.
I'm glad you like it.

437
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:23,840
You're from New York?
Yeah, I'm from New York.

438
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,600
Better out here, right?
Well, it's more comfortable.

439
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:30,320
Can I ask you a
personal question?
Please.

440
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,320
What do you pay in taxes
on this place?

441
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,680
$1 8,000 a year.

442
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:41,200
Three times 1 8, carry the 2 4,
seven down, bring down the zero--

443
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,360
Place cost you 720,000.
Seven hundred fifty thousand.

444
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,240
[ Whistles ]

445
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,440
Could I look in there?
Yeah, go ahead.

446
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,200
Listen, uh--
How did you arrive
at that figure, 7 50,000?

447
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:57,400
It's real estate rule of thumb.
It's a trick. No magic.

448
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,200
I'm not an appraiser
or anything like that.

449
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:02,640
Can I ask you something?
Go ahead.

450
00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:04,640
How much you got
in the furniture?

451
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:09,640
Oh-- Two hundred thousand,
1 00,000, give or take 1 00,000.
Something like that.

452
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:11,640
I'll take it.
[ Sighs ]

453
00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:13,600
Can I ask you
a personal question?
Yes.

454
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:16,440
Did you have anything
specific that you wanted
to talk to me about?

455
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,240
No, I'm gonna get to that,
but I'm fascinated by money.
Aren't you?

456
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,400
Yeah, I'm fascinated by money,
for what it can do. That's all.

457
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:27,200
Yeah, yeah. An"yw"ay,
what I was gonna ask you is this:
How much do you make?

458
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,920
I think that's very impertinent.
How much do I make?

459
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,520
- Tours? Concerts?
- I don't know. I don't know.

460
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,640
<i>Publishing?
Et cetera, et cetera.
I don't know.</i>

461
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:39,360
I make $1 1 ,000 a year.

462
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:43,720
So at $1 1 ,000 a year,
I got $7 50,000 for the house,

463
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,120
$1 8,000 in taxes,
200 in furniture.

464
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,720
- How much help do you have?
- I have five, including the gardener.

465
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,440
You got that, and the money,
plus, plus, plus--

466
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:58,720
1 1 ,000 times 1 0 years, 1 1 0,000.
1 1 ,000 times a hundred a year,
1 .1 million--

467
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:00,720
Well, let's say 900,000.

468
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:04,080
That's 90 years work for me
just to live here, without eating.

469
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,080
[ Chuckles ]

470
00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:09,520
What's the point?

471
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:13,720
Well, I guess the point
got delayed because I got
so wrapped up in the house.

472
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:17,120
I told you that my wife and I
are big fans of yours, didn't I?

473
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,080
Well, there's a lot of snobbery
among the wives.

474
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,680
'Cause in my line of business,
we meet a lot of people.

475
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,680
So one lieutenant,
he brings home one guy's,

476
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,640
and another lieutenant,
he brings home another guy's.

477
00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:29,960
So when the wives get together,
they can say, "I got an actor,''
"I got a district attorney.''

478
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,640
I thought it would be nice
if my wife had a conductor's autograph.

479
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,760
Would you mind
signing this?

480
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,320
What do you want me to say?
Just put your name.
That'd be good enough.

481
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:55,120
Thank you very much.
I appreciate you taking the time.

482
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,640
I'll see you
later, love.
Okay.

483
00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:11,360
Kiss.
Mmm. Bye.

484
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,600
<i>Well, Mike. All set?
Mr. Benedict.
She's right over there, sir.</i>

485
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:18,800
<i>Thank you.
Who's that?
[ Engine Rewing ]</i>

486
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:22,040
Don't know.
He said he was
a friend of yours.

487
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,080
Lieutenant.
Oh, hi, maestro.
How's everything?

488
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,920
Uh, fine. Would you mind
telling me what you think
you're doing?

489
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,480
What a car.
What a piece of machinery!

490
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,360
I mean,just sitting in this
thing makes me feel good.

491
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,000
I smell this leather,
I feel the felt.
[ Chuckles ]

492
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,040
I look at this wood.
I wanna tell you, all my life
I wanted a car like this.

493
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,560
Of course, on my salary,
forget about it.

494
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,400
If you're through enjoying
yourself, I really have
some work to do.

495
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,360
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

496
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:05,680
Boy, it sounds like
a bank vault.

497
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:07,720
Might as well,
it cost enough.

498
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:11,480
What was wrong with it?
Oh, you know, these foreign cars
are touchy.

499
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,400
Get sick,
they have to be cured.

500
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,680
That's why I have Mike,
he's a genius at
this sort of thing.

501
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:20,600
Uh, Lieutenant, you didn't come
up here to check on my car,
did you?

502
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,760
No. No, sir, I didn't.

 

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